I was born a preemie – entered this world at 27-weeks. Therefore, my early developmental milestones were behind including talking, walking, and other skills. When I was young, I remember my parents used sign language because, I think at that time, we didn’t know how much I would talk or be able to, or the trajectory I was about to embark on.

I don’t remember many details from when I was first diagnosed.  I participated in early intervention when I came home from the hospital till preschool.  It was then I was diagnosed with hypotonia Cerebral Palsy, which is basically low muscle tone.  Not too long after that I received my diagnosis of Apraxia around age 3, and I didn’t fully understand what it was or meant. I worked on speech therapy and physical therapy at Cincinnati Children’s Hospital Medical Center.  I also attended St. Rita school for the Deaf.  I can’t recall how my CAS affected me then, but I do remember being very comfortable with everyone and my teacher Mrs. Ellen.  After pre-school, I moved on to elementary school at Pleasant Ridge Montessori School. I had a fantastic speech therapist, Miss Angela. As I grew older, I attended Sycamore Junior High School and Sycamore High School.  Therefore, I had in-school speech therapy for all 12 years of my education as well as outside speech, OT and PT therapy.

Looking back, I can remember that my speech therapy was intense when I was little, but it was worth it. Childhood Apraxia of speech is a motor speech disorder affecting how the mouth and brain connect to communicate with each other to spill out words. I’m sure some of you have had awkward experiences where people said things to you like, “can you repeat that?”, or “what part of the world are you from?”, or “are you from Europe?”  And more! While these have all unfortunately happened to me, it makes for funny moments and stories to tell.

Now, fast forward to me being 19, I use my voice to communicate. I only use alternative methods of communication – i.e. texting on my phone, writing it down, text to speech, or sign language – if the person I am speaking with really can’t understand me.

Having CAS is certainly no easy journey, and it affects me every day. It caused me to be shy and I also have Generalized Anxiety Disorder (GAD) – due to being self-conscious of my speech.  Because of that, I didn’t join a lot of clubs during high school.

However, after many years of speech therapy, hard work and tears, I’m to a point where I’m confident in my sounds and my speech skills. I think it’s so important to note and remind people like me that CAS won’t go away, but it can improve and get better. I know I had a difficult time accepting that fact. As a young adult with CAS, I have experienced many breakdowns but also breakthroughs in my communication and speech. I remember one of my accomplishments was having a full-on, new conversation with Elina from Young Able Voices and not being nervous or intimidated. We clicked right away and are good friends.

Some of my other accomplishments and proud moments include:

• Joining a PEERS group in high school as part of my speech therapy to work on social language and friendships while working on sounds and words. This is how I met my best friend, and we remain friends to this day.
• Interviewing and getting a full-time job where I speak with my supervisor and co-workers and managing communication breakdowns with repair strategies.
• Submitting my apraxia story to be shared as a Find Hope Give Hope article. I would have never seen myself doing this before and I hope to inspire others.

My apraxia progress journey has not been a straight path. From, good and bad, sometimes weird speech therapists, using a mirror to help my lips understand what to do, to listening to embarrassing sounds of my voice on video recordings, etc. – I feel like I’ve been through it all. Sometimes things were hard and uncomfortable but mostly worked.

No matter how strange different treatments were and can be, I learned that you have to keep going and pushing on, especially if clear-as-can-be speech is your goal to being understood.  While I continue to struggle with the letters F, S, SH, V, Z, or CH, brand new people can understand me better than ever before.  If you have CAS, don’t give up. It got better for me. The breakdowns in speech therapy are worth it – I can attest to that!

I hope my story gives some comfort and hope to those just starting their journey.

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